Don't Send Your Kid to College
Yes, that is my title. It is my firm belief, too. Read the whole thing before getting mad.
And it may seem strange from someone who has worked in higher education for forty years and has three graduate degrees. I don't write this post because I am against higher education or because it hasn't had a place in my life. It's central to who I am (but not the core). I love what I do, where I work, the blessing of working with my students and colleagues, and the exploration of ideas.
I believe in higher education's promise for America and for individuals.
But I still believe in the advice in the title, and I will deal with this topic in two parts:
First, don't send your kid to COLLEGE.
Second, don't SEND your kid to college.
First. College is not for everyone. It's definitely not for everyone at 18 years of age. In my 40 years in the classroom and as an administrator, in all types of institutions, I have seen two phenomena. The first is the late twenty- or thirty-something who comes back to college and confesses that they tried college at 18 and "flunked out" or had some other reason that it just didn't work out for them.
Sometimes they were athletes who couldn't keep with the lifestyle of performing athletically and scholastically at the college level. (To say nothing of the other issues we could address here about college sports). Sometimes they got pregnant. Sometimes they had family responsibilities. Sometimes they were having too much fun at "away" college and their parents said, "enough" Sometimes they just realized college wasn't for them, that the bang wasn't worth the buck. Good old ROI. Sometimes (more than we want to admit), they just couldn't afford it any longer even if they wanted to. Sometimes they just failed too many classes and lost financial aid. Sometimes they find themselves at an institution whose values overwhelm them, and they can't deal with the concept of "micro-agressions" for asking an innocent question.
Let me state quickly that I don't think that last is really that prevalent in the vast majority of colleges. College professors like to be provocative--I've done it myself. But the extremes of "trigger warnings," "micro-agressions," and "safe spaces" are over-reported and mostly confined to a certain type of college. See my advice below.
The second is the younger version of that thirty-something who has been told they have to go to college but have no goals, or no realistic ones, for why they are there. They have a high school GPA of 2 and were admitted to an open-access college to be a nursing major, which requires usually something close to a 4.0 for entrance to the program. They enter the private college dependent on loans that they and their parents don't realize will haunt them for decades, whether they graduate or not. They choose a major because it sounds like fun (my favorite being fashion merchandising) but don't realize they will have to move 500 miles away from home to find a career in that field.
I attribute these two phenomena to a number of sources. The mythology that a college education is the best way to get to the middle class. The lies told by recruiters (athletic and otherwise). The lack of transparency about the reality of college, especially funding it. The poor quality of teaching and advising in some institutions and the systems that allow it (I'm not specifically speaking of tenure here, which can do great good but also follows the law of unintended consequences).
And let me say, unequivocably here (that's a big word for make no mistake), I don't consider these the problems of the institution, not always. And I except my institution from it, because we are extremely reasonably priced and do a fine job of educating the students we are sent, and I mean that with all my heart and not because I get a paycheck.
Primarily, though, I think much of the phenomenon can simply come from the fact that people who don't work in higher education do not understand it. It is a black box to a large portion of the population.
There are simply other options for 18-year olds. Get a job. Military. Government or non-profit service (VISTA, for example). Trade school (yes, trade school. It really doesn't hurt anyone to have a trade and make some decent money for a few years before deciding on what you really want to do for the next forty years.) In other words, don't inflict a goal-less 18-year old on the college of your choice. You will waste your money. You will waste your government's money and your student's potential financial aid (Pell is not forever; current regulations limit to ten semesters, assuming those are ten successful semesters).
DON'T SEND YOUR KID TO COLLEGE
I had an interesting conversation with an old friend who was visiting our town recently. She teaches in a Christian Academy out west. She mentions that one of the parents in the school sent their daughter to a certain very large Christian university (I'll not name it, but they love President Trump there) because that institution teaches a literal six-day creationism.
That has been bugging me for weeks. Not because of the institution or the creationism (those are other issues) but because of the idea of "sending" your child to a college. How much agency does the student have in the decision?
This is part of a larger discussion about helicopter parenting. Teenagers today seem to have a very different relationship with their parents than we did; I went 600 miles away to college and saw my family two or three times a year. I chose the college. Whether it was a good choice is another matter, but I chose it. I knew it was all on me.
Of course, I know of 20-year-olds who haven't bothered to get their drivers' licenses yet, a mystery to me. Being protected, dependent, and driven around by mom and dad or friends seems more important to them than the autonomy of being able to drive a car? How could that be?
I don't suggest my experience is the best, but I think the idea of "sending" your student to college, as if it were the same as sending your 6-year-old to kindergarten, needs to be reframed. At best, the parent should facilitate the decision of the student and consult on it, but not make the decision. It seems like breaking the apron strings at 18 is what college is about.
Many parents, especially conservative Christian parents, don't want their students exposed to the "evils" of the secular campus. I definitely agree, so discussion is needed. I consider most of the big state universities unfit for human consumption. Parents would need to start working on their students' responsibility and agency long before senior year anyway. I just fear the practice of using the nonsense and sin that goes on on most campuses as an excuse to shelter the young persons from reality. I teach at a state institution and there are good and negative influencers; however, we are small and also have the opportunities for small classes, input from faculty, and clubs that help a student's faith journey. My real issue is with campuses of 40,000 where the student can get lost.
This is not to address for-profit institutions, the complications and vagaries of financial aid (as a faculty member, I do not address this issue with students because I simply don't want to misinform), athletics scholarships and other types, how to choose a major, or a number of other issues.
The diatribe against humanities and liberal arts majors is founded in two problems: the myth that a degree automatically opens all kinds of doors for the graduate, and the failure of students, their parents, and the institutions to look for opportunities for developing work skills, a resume, and networking. An English major can take a minor in computer science, combining a love of writing and literature with their analytic abilities to code and develop websites. It's a false dichotomy to think that a major in one disciplines can dance into a career while another one doesn't have a prayer.
I'm adding this piece on November 18, 2017:
DON'T SEND YOUR KID TO COLLEGE
Once a student goes to college, he/she is a young adult. Remember that. They are not twelve years old. They are legally responsible for everything at 18 (except drinking, which doesn't stop them from doing it). They are not kids. This is a whole post in itself, but I often shake my head at the way young people are overprotected by their parents who are so afraid their child will make a mistake or something that they don't allow them to be adults.
My advice:
1. look for reasonably priced colleges. Higher price does not mean better education in the long run.
2. If a young person is dying to go to University of X, think about going to reasonable state college for undergrad and the big impressive place for grad school.
3. Know what you are getting into. Do the research.
4. Don't overspecialize in a major unless you really know that's what you want.
I imagine I will get some blowback for this post, but maybe that's what blogs are for.
And it may seem strange from someone who has worked in higher education for forty years and has three graduate degrees. I don't write this post because I am against higher education or because it hasn't had a place in my life. It's central to who I am (but not the core). I love what I do, where I work, the blessing of working with my students and colleagues, and the exploration of ideas.
I believe in higher education's promise for America and for individuals.
But I still believe in the advice in the title, and I will deal with this topic in two parts:
First, don't send your kid to COLLEGE.
Second, don't SEND your kid to college.
First. College is not for everyone. It's definitely not for everyone at 18 years of age. In my 40 years in the classroom and as an administrator, in all types of institutions, I have seen two phenomena. The first is the late twenty- or thirty-something who comes back to college and confesses that they tried college at 18 and "flunked out" or had some other reason that it just didn't work out for them.
Sometimes they were athletes who couldn't keep with the lifestyle of performing athletically and scholastically at the college level. (To say nothing of the other issues we could address here about college sports). Sometimes they got pregnant. Sometimes they had family responsibilities. Sometimes they were having too much fun at "away" college and their parents said, "enough" Sometimes they just realized college wasn't for them, that the bang wasn't worth the buck. Good old ROI. Sometimes (more than we want to admit), they just couldn't afford it any longer even if they wanted to. Sometimes they just failed too many classes and lost financial aid. Sometimes they find themselves at an institution whose values overwhelm them, and they can't deal with the concept of "micro-agressions" for asking an innocent question.
Let me state quickly that I don't think that last is really that prevalent in the vast majority of colleges. College professors like to be provocative--I've done it myself. But the extremes of "trigger warnings," "micro-agressions," and "safe spaces" are over-reported and mostly confined to a certain type of college. See my advice below.
The second is the younger version of that thirty-something who has been told they have to go to college but have no goals, or no realistic ones, for why they are there. They have a high school GPA of 2 and were admitted to an open-access college to be a nursing major, which requires usually something close to a 4.0 for entrance to the program. They enter the private college dependent on loans that they and their parents don't realize will haunt them for decades, whether they graduate or not. They choose a major because it sounds like fun (my favorite being fashion merchandising) but don't realize they will have to move 500 miles away from home to find a career in that field.
I attribute these two phenomena to a number of sources. The mythology that a college education is the best way to get to the middle class. The lies told by recruiters (athletic and otherwise). The lack of transparency about the reality of college, especially funding it. The poor quality of teaching and advising in some institutions and the systems that allow it (I'm not specifically speaking of tenure here, which can do great good but also follows the law of unintended consequences).
And let me say, unequivocably here (that's a big word for make no mistake), I don't consider these the problems of the institution, not always. And I except my institution from it, because we are extremely reasonably priced and do a fine job of educating the students we are sent, and I mean that with all my heart and not because I get a paycheck.
Primarily, though, I think much of the phenomenon can simply come from the fact that people who don't work in higher education do not understand it. It is a black box to a large portion of the population.
There are simply other options for 18-year olds. Get a job. Military. Government or non-profit service (VISTA, for example). Trade school (yes, trade school. It really doesn't hurt anyone to have a trade and make some decent money for a few years before deciding on what you really want to do for the next forty years.) In other words, don't inflict a goal-less 18-year old on the college of your choice. You will waste your money. You will waste your government's money and your student's potential financial aid (Pell is not forever; current regulations limit to ten semesters, assuming those are ten successful semesters).
DON'T SEND YOUR KID TO COLLEGE
I had an interesting conversation with an old friend who was visiting our town recently. She teaches in a Christian Academy out west. She mentions that one of the parents in the school sent their daughter to a certain very large Christian university (I'll not name it, but they love President Trump there) because that institution teaches a literal six-day creationism.
That has been bugging me for weeks. Not because of the institution or the creationism (those are other issues) but because of the idea of "sending" your child to a college. How much agency does the student have in the decision?
This is part of a larger discussion about helicopter parenting. Teenagers today seem to have a very different relationship with their parents than we did; I went 600 miles away to college and saw my family two or three times a year. I chose the college. Whether it was a good choice is another matter, but I chose it. I knew it was all on me.
Of course, I know of 20-year-olds who haven't bothered to get their drivers' licenses yet, a mystery to me. Being protected, dependent, and driven around by mom and dad or friends seems more important to them than the autonomy of being able to drive a car? How could that be?
I don't suggest my experience is the best, but I think the idea of "sending" your student to college, as if it were the same as sending your 6-year-old to kindergarten, needs to be reframed. At best, the parent should facilitate the decision of the student and consult on it, but not make the decision. It seems like breaking the apron strings at 18 is what college is about.
Many parents, especially conservative Christian parents, don't want their students exposed to the "evils" of the secular campus. I definitely agree, so discussion is needed. I consider most of the big state universities unfit for human consumption. Parents would need to start working on their students' responsibility and agency long before senior year anyway. I just fear the practice of using the nonsense and sin that goes on on most campuses as an excuse to shelter the young persons from reality. I teach at a state institution and there are good and negative influencers; however, we are small and also have the opportunities for small classes, input from faculty, and clubs that help a student's faith journey. My real issue is with campuses of 40,000 where the student can get lost.
This is not to address for-profit institutions, the complications and vagaries of financial aid (as a faculty member, I do not address this issue with students because I simply don't want to misinform), athletics scholarships and other types, how to choose a major, or a number of other issues.
The diatribe against humanities and liberal arts majors is founded in two problems: the myth that a degree automatically opens all kinds of doors for the graduate, and the failure of students, their parents, and the institutions to look for opportunities for developing work skills, a resume, and networking. An English major can take a minor in computer science, combining a love of writing and literature with their analytic abilities to code and develop websites. It's a false dichotomy to think that a major in one disciplines can dance into a career while another one doesn't have a prayer.
I'm adding this piece on November 18, 2017:
DON'T SEND YOUR KID TO COLLEGE
Once a student goes to college, he/she is a young adult. Remember that. They are not twelve years old. They are legally responsible for everything at 18 (except drinking, which doesn't stop them from doing it). They are not kids. This is a whole post in itself, but I often shake my head at the way young people are overprotected by their parents who are so afraid their child will make a mistake or something that they don't allow them to be adults.
My advice:
1. look for reasonably priced colleges. Higher price does not mean better education in the long run.
2. If a young person is dying to go to University of X, think about going to reasonable state college for undergrad and the big impressive place for grad school.
3. Know what you are getting into. Do the research.
4. Don't overspecialize in a major unless you really know that's what you want.
I imagine I will get some blowback for this post, but maybe that's what blogs are for.
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